Sun 18th September 2011 was the date for the 13th instalment of the world famous Lawle Guby Open. As usual, the weather was fair (sunny and hot in fact) although there was the threat of rain forecast for later. Sixteen competitors assembled, not quite a record turnout – numbers were affected by the absence of regulars such as Dave & Eddie (who decided to go on holiday instead), Gary (who decided to go to a kid’s football match) and Dan (who decided to live up north).  Lucy was able to play for a change – Lance had obviously got the dates mixed up as usual as he seemed to think he was going camping and had a tent bag slung over his shoulder. Luckily for him this turned out to be filled with an assortment of golf clubs. Commemorative items of Lawle Guby tee pegs and keyrings were handed out  and the competition was ready to start – much to the disappointment of the two members of the public who turned up for a relaxing afternoon of golf, only to find themselves stuck behind sixteen players of varying ability.

As usual, the defending champion opened the competition. Dale hit a solid tee shot and was probably happy to score a 7 and get the first hole out of the way. The rest of the competitors made solid, if unspectacular, scores at this hole – except for Andy W, who decided to open with a birdie to show the rest of the field how it was done. Malcolm, who had demonstrated a short fuse in a game of golf only a few days before, exploded into a rage again shortly after the first hole – still seething that Lance and Rob had not looked hard enough for his lost ball at Ruddington before speeding off in their buggy, shouting gleefully  “looks like you’ll have to take a drop Malc”.

The next few holes saw solid play from a number of contenders – Ashley scoring four 3’s in the first six holes, Robert missing putts for five 3’s in the first six holes and Trevor was going along nicely for someone with a handicap of 36, averaging just 5 shots a hole over the opening six holes. However, Phil opened with an unprecedented two 5’s and Dale posted a 12 on the 5th to equal the highest score record at that hole. At the close of the front nine, some challenging scores had been posted – Trevor, Mark and Lucy leading the way when taking handicaps into account and Andy W posting the lowest score of 33. Only Lance, Jake and Dale were almost certainly out of the running. Robert was kicking himself after landing on, or next to, seven greens out of the opening nine holes but picking up only two pars. Alan had become the first player to birdie the 7th hole.

The back nine holes saw yet more great play, most players surpassing themselves in what was a low scoring year. One exception was Phil, who opened the back nine with a 6 on the 10th hole – his only 6 in three years of Lawle Guby Open competition. Trev slipped up with an 8 on the 11th and a 9 on the 13th – scores that ultimately cost him victory. Phil recovered from his uncharacteristic 6 to post another four 3’s on the back nine and set a new record for the most 3’s scored in a round. Robert hit another eight greens, but could only covert two of them to 3’s – although he had the small consolation of winning the Closest to the Pin prize (but still three-putted).

Robert had been using his intimate knowledge of the course to roll his ball off a number of bumps, slopes and hummocks to find the green on numerous holes. This finally became too much for Malcolm on the back nine, who began shouting and yelling about “spawny gits” and “lucky bounces” and then started screaming expletives at the top of his voice when he missed a short putt at the 16th. Then on the 17th tee, he inexplicably lapsed into a broad Scottish accent and launched into a long, barely decipherable, diatribe aimed at all and sundry. The pressure had obviously flipped some switch in his brain and it’s uncertain whether he’ll be well enough to compete next year.

The other competitors needed a wobble from Mark over the last three holes to stand a chance of winning, but he played those last three holes in just 11 shots to win the title for the second time in some style. He beat his previous best gross score by 12 shots and posted the first ever net score below 60 to become a worthy champion, beating second placed Trevor by three shots. Andy W also played the last three holes in 11 shots to win the Gross Score trophy by two shots from Phil, who lost it for the first time. As the last group finished the 18th hole, the dark grey clouds that had been threatening for the past hour started to rain. As the players reached the clubhouse, the heavens opened and unleashed a massive downpour – it was lucky that no playoff hole was required. The presentation passed without incident from Malcolm – Lance made his usual speeches and all of the trophies were present for a change. Not present, unfortunately, were Paul, Craig, Alan, Martyn, Ashley and Dale who all left before the presentation – presumably as some sort of protest regarding their handicaps. Despite this sad end to the day, the 2011 Open was judged to be a great success, with everyone looking forward to 2012, when the Lawle Guby Open will compete with the Olympics for the attention of the nation.